The Struggle: My Journey With Breast Milk

 As most women do, or try to do, I initially chose to breastfeed. 

Now at first, I was one of the lucky ones. No latch problems and no pain. The hard parts were; leaking, how often I needed to feed, and not being able to do much of anything while Felicity was latched.

But those are pretty typical problems.

I'm going to be completely honest here.

My issue is that I never really enjoyed breastfeeding.

Obviously I love my child and we share a special connection regardless. But I never felt the joy that other mom's talk about while breastfeeding. I actually felt lonely and in fact, I was resentful. Not towards Felicity, resentful towards Jesse. I hated that all of the feedings were my responsibility.
I felt trapped, like I would never be able to go anywhere on my own, ever.
I also like to have control of most situations; a quirk that comes from a rough childhood. 
It was stressful not knowing how much milk she was drinking. But the main reason was that I wasn't my best self because I was so stressed out.

Some people would tell me to just sleep with the baby in our bed. Because then I could just let her find the boob and eat while I slept. 

But it wasn't something I was comfortable with. Because I roll sometimes and Jesse rolls constantly.

After two weeks postpartum, I broke out the pump and switched to bottle feeding at night. That way Jesse could help me out.

I decided to give Felicity breast during the day, unless I had to go out somewhere with her.

One of the first feeds!

Because of personal preference and convenience, I prefer to bring pumped milk. 

Now, we've been told by several health professionals to let the baby eat as much as she wants. So that's what I did and I only overfed her twice. Both times ended in a scene like something from ' The Exorcist '.

I ended up switching completely to bottle feeding, as a personal preference, after 3 months postpartum.

We found that around 1.5 months of age, she was eating 4 ounces every 2-3 hours.

Suddenly my milk supply dropped, and I started going from pumping 4-6 ounces every 4 hours, to 1-2 ounces. I drank so much Mothers Milk tea, took Fenugreek religiously, ate oatmeal and spinach like it was my new diet. I tried pumping every 2 hours. I even started letting her eat from my breast again.

But she started to do this thing where she would eat for about, 5 minutes. Then suddenly; she would refuse the boob. Even though she was still hungry. I tried waiting it out until she was hungry enough to want it, but that didn't work. I tried everything I could think of.
The only thing that did work; was to give her the boob for 5 minutes, change her and play for a bit. Then to give her a bottle with 2-3 ounces in it. I asked lactation consultants and nurses what I should do. They said, if it's working, just do what you're doing.

I knew that my body had just adjusted the supply to what it thought my baby needed. But it wasn't enough, and it was stressing me out. 

Comotomo bottle

The 'milk drought' was starting to cause arguments between Jesse and myself. It was an everyday agitation, everyday and every minute to be exact. I started thinking that I was a failure for not being able to feed her enough.

We started having to supplement with 6 ounces of formula; spread between two feedings each day.  I'm lucky that she wasn't fussy about boob, bottle or formula.

One day I was scrolling on Instagram and saw that someone had lactation issues and got a prescription for Domperidone. 

My doctor knew of my issues, but had never brought that up!
After I had researched a bit about it, I decided that I wanted that drug. 

So I approached my doctor about it, who was more than happy to prescribe it. 

10mg, one pill, three times a day. 

The downsides: I can't eat grapefruit, as it interferes with the medication. 

I can up my dosage if needed, but should consult the doctor first, as it can raise the heart rate.
The side effects aren't guaranteed, but they are headaches and dry mouth.

Plus, without any insurance, the pills are $18 for a month supply. 

It took a week before I started seeing results.
I now pump 6 ounces from each breast every 4-5 hours!

Spectra

(That being said; I'm not a doctor. It's always recommended that you consult a doctor before taking medication.)

Now I'm nearly 5 months postpartum, exclusively bottle feeding, giving Felicity milk baths and finally storing some milk. (However, that's going to be a whole other post.) I plan on feeding her breast milk until Felicity is 2 years old. (If all goes according to plan.)

I feel amazing now that my biggest stress is gone!

It's never easy though, every woman has her own story.
Of course breast milk has more nutritional value, but formula won't harm your baby in anyway.
Whatever you chose, it's your journey.
Personally, I'm enjoying pumping and bottle feeding. I don't mind how often I have to wash stuff.

Ladies, feel free to share your own stories in the comments.

~Katie~